4.25 w post op

I’m really worried about being able to finish my incompletes for December (when I had phallo) in a week by the start of May. I am doing all I can but am out of energy by the end of the work day and the weekend. That is like *all* I can do for the week: My max right now. What will be will be. If the greatest loss long term to me in having phalloplasty is an F and taking a couple classes over and no hair on my arm– that’s a worst case scenario I can live with.

I received the encouragement to aim for a C… Which is so not me and really bothers me. What if people see that C and don’t want to hire me later because of it?! It’s really tough to do even a little classwork after work.

But– I have stayed in close contact with my therapist through our phone sessions. He is a specialist on trauma.

I am still wound packing the incision on the left side of my scrotum and a hole that opened up between my penis and scrotum (ugh), and I am still mentally unable to process doing it for myself… My mate does it for me twice a day 🙁

My disability pay through work has still not finished processing my claim (ugh) so I have not received income since January for December. That’s a stressor. They are still trying to exclude me– it is based in Texas

My coworkers are being unbelievably shitty to me, resentful of me taking time off during the school year for something they feel was cosmetic. I don’t know who found out and leaked but they all know and murmur – lots of silent treatment. Sad.

I’m carrying on. Just being back at work is a huge accomplishment. I am now walking without a cane at four months. Slight limp and easy fatigue. But my boss is behind me. She knows everything.

It is painful, literally, but I carry on well enough because I don’t think this will last forever.

Leave a Reply