tonight my love and I had wine and sang together. It would have been just the night to make love, but they fell asleep early, and I wasn’t allowed to turn on the pump yet inside my penis, which was made a year ago by phalloplasty. It’s only been three weeks since the final surgery, so I’m almost there. My flesh just ached to consummate my love with my spouse tonight. They fell asleep, and I explored myself some, delicately.
I feel sexy in a way I never have before. I showed my penis to one of my gay good friends, and he said something so lewd I blushed with satisfaction. He said, “Oh my God, it looks so hot I want to suck it right now!” Christ, no one has ever said anything like that to me, ever! He was being a little silly (I think?), but something in me died and went to heaven knowing my body was desirable in this form.
For the longest time I’ve just been a healing thing, a mess of wounds and resting. Will I be a very sexy thing to my spouse one day, provoking the same response as to this gay friend? I want them and so badly want them to want me, like this, in all my new manifestations.