I write about phalloplasty for myself. I dont mind people looking in on it or asking questions. But, what I am writing here is really just my private ramblings, for the purpose of an attempt to process so much that has happened the past year and how I am living in my body now.
Right now, I’m somewhere between post-trauma and delighted. It’s a big, beautiful world ahead, but I’m also sorting through the weight of being constantly misgendered by transbro community: dude bro buddy man. It’s just about every day. I use they/them. I only use he/him at work. It wrecks me in a special way.
I feel so much, especially in the South, that I have to truly love and embrace myself to cancel out the noise against us. Some of the celebration of my body here in this blog is overstated so I can practice being proud. I write in a style of affirmations so I can explore certain ideas.
When I say
My body is so beautiful and strong
I am desirable
My self is made real in this flesh
Perhaps I don’t feel that. But in this space, I can put it in print and read it. I dont doubt this will likely lead to being me misunderstood as boasting eventually, but I’m okay either way. I need this place to write whatever I want, just for me.
If you’re reading this, welcome to this most private place.