how/what/why I write about the experience of my trans phalloplasty

I write about phalloplasty for myself. I dont mind people looking in on it or asking questions. But, what I am writing here is really just my private ramblings, for the purpose of an attempt to process so much that has happened the past year and how I am living in my body now.

Right now, I’m somewhere between post-trauma and delighted. It’s a big, beautiful world ahead, but I’m also sorting through the weight of being constantly misgendered by transbro community: dude bro buddy man. It’s just about every day. I use they/them. I only use he/him at work. It wrecks me in a special way.

I feel so much, especially in the South, that I have to truly love and embrace myself to cancel out the noise against us. Some of the celebration of my body here in this blog is overstated so I can practice being proud. I write in a style of affirmations so I can explore certain ideas.

When I say

My body is so beautiful and strong

I am desirable

My self is made real in this flesh

Perhaps I don’t feel that. But in this space, I can put it in print and read it. I dont doubt this will likely lead to being me misunderstood as boasting eventually, but I’m okay either way. I need this place to write whatever I want, just for me.

If you’re reading this, welcome to this most private place.

2 thoughts on “how/what/why I write about the experience of my trans phalloplasty”

  1. Have you had issues with misgendering in the local community? I know after I stepped down there was a meeting to make the space more binary focused and I can only assume it may be that way now. I don’t attend and I’m not on the fb group. I think people are desperately reaching for something to validate themselves and it tends to come out as this parody of masculinity and nb folks like you are casualties. They don’t define you.

  2. It’s so deeply refreshing and needed to hear from non binary folks ( or gender queers. I’m 36 and so that’s my generational term) who have undergone bottom gender affirming surgeries. It brought joy and tears to my eyes when I read your posts on FB groups. For years this process has been out of reach, due to finances, but also due to the mentality that bottom surgery is what makes you a total complete man. I am not very interested in being a man, so how do I get to want it, get to have it as a gender fag freak. Thank you mister sister gender bending transistor for allowing space to ask our bodies questions that sometimes even our trans brothers don’t fully support us in answering.

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