How I weighed keeping my V
Okay, I get it’s not for everyone. I also understand that for some trans folks, it might be more convenient if I didn’t talk about it going no-vaginectomy. We could all pretend every person needing phalloplasty or metoidioplasty knew they were a masculine heterosexual man’s man since they were 18 months old, always wanted to stand to pee, and we’re a penetration top since they were 15, right? Well, if that’s the criteria, I fail:
I knew that I needed a more typical penis on the front of my body. One I could look down at, grip with my whole hand, and have the option of going deep in my partner.
But I wanted my vagina. Sexually, intimately. I knew I couldn’t get rid of it when I started thinking of the idea of them burning up the walls and sewing it all together. In the same way my spirit occupied the place my penis wasn’t yet, at that time, I knew my spirit occupied this vagina. It didn’t feel wrong unless I felt ashamed that it gendered me, or I knew how it made others think of me. The thought of it being removed and sewed up made me feel ill; I wanted my partner in there. We have a special bond through penetration I did not want to give up.
I spent a few months before surgery going only anal, trying to see if it could be enough? I enjoyed it, and a lot of moments it was just the same, maybe knees a little higher. But I missed it already, and I knew I had to keep it if I could.
My vagina– my front hole, bonus hole, cunt, pussy, whatever you’re trans-comfortable calling it or not calling it– I’m going to call it my v for the comfort of those reading, whom I assume are fellow trans folx who might have trouble with the words.
Working with my surgeon on no vaginectomy
Dr. Coon offered no judgment. When it came time to ask my surgeon if I could keep it, he had no problem at all. He said, since I wasn’t having urethral lengthening, it would be easy. We had one or two issues he was concerned about, the “gape”.
Well, my scrotum is made out of the labia majora (the outer vulval lips), which are twisted and lifted to the typical male position right under my cock. Without the majora, it would pull the v open wider. With my legs apart, there would be a gape. I told him this wouldn’t bother me, and sure enough it doesn’t. If anything, I find it a little sexy?
The scars from the scrotoplasty link the division between moist mucosal tissue to the inner crotch, regular skin. Because the incisions are so thin, you cannot see much where the incisions were. They also disappear in the division between two skin types. They opened this incision a second time during the erectile implant insertion, utilizing that scar for moving the implant in there somehow. I’m pleased with how natal and seamless it looks. It’s as if I was born with both penis and vagina, a congruence with my nonbinary spirit which pleases me.
If I had wanted urethral lengthening, the problems would have been geometric. There could be scar tissue around the opening of the vagina which made is unusable. I have heard stories of scrotoplasty constricting the opening, but I had plenty of space. My opening is nowhere near any of those incisions or constructions.
Sex with my front hole post phalloplasty
Fuck the stigma. The v feels good and makes me feel close to my partner. On most days, I’d usually prefer it over my ass for no-preparation. I like the positions better too.
So, the first six weeks, we were separated by me traveling for stage 1, when they made my penis. Dr. Coon told me I could have vaginal sex for brief periods as long as we didn’t compress the penis. I hadn’t had scrotoplasty yet, so everything down there was the same. Ouch though. It was tender, and I didn’t feel ready. They did go down on me, on my unburied tdick (clit).
I think around 10 weeks we were having good sex, me receiving vigorously. I was experimenting with my mate wearing an insertive condom and me penetrating a little, even soft. I didn’t have much sensation yet, but it didn’t matter.
At 12 weeks post-op I had scrotoplasty, and this stopped everything for a long while. I had complications, and it laid me out for at least a month or two.
By six months post op, we were having sex again, me receiving very gently, and I started having orgasms again while receiving. My penis sensation was growing in gradually, base to tip, right to left.
By eight – eleven months, we were having sex like usual. I loved the feeling of my soft penis rubbing between our bellies or legs while being penetrated.
Then I had the erectile implant, Coloplast Titan, at 12 months postop, and yeowch! That’s the sound I wanted to make. Lord, nobody prepared me, but the hardware in there was near my v in my pelvis. Maybe three weeks postop, we tried penetration? I knew immediately this was not going to work. It burned, searingly, inside. Even though my v had not been cut, all that stuff being attached to my bone right there? No.
In the following weeks we tried a few different angles. It was trial and error. Some worked, but any pressure on my mons was terrible. That diminished by the second or third month after the erectile device? One position in particular that really hurt was reverse “cowboy”, facing my partner’s feet, while sitting on top of their erection. We also tried to angle away from the left side, where all of my tubing went.
But, with time, it’s all back to normal now. I can sit or lay or stand in any position and receive as vigorously as I ever did. Nothing is holding me back!
It actually feels really great to let my balls roll on the shaft as it goes in and out, below. It’s also awesome to get a hand job while being penetrated. I’m like, staring wide eyes probably, taking it all in. My penis doesn’t hurt when it is pressed tight between us, and I can choose if I want to be hard or soft while bottoming. I feel very in control.
I’m glad it all worked out like this.