Like every responsible dick owner, I should learn how to condom it. I had some time alone, so I tested out a few in my nightstand. The last time I tested was pre-Coloplast Titan implant, and it is bigger now.
I have on hand two kinds of Trustex free condoms from my health center and Magnums.
Warming up. Hi down there.
Suitor number one: Trustex colors lubricated condom.
Uh no. I feel traumatized lol seeing my dick like that. It’s like I have a plague of some kind that turns my appendages orange and squished. See that biting at the base? Dr. Coon warned me about the venous tourniquet. That’s uber dangerous. All the NOPE!
Omg. What. This is hilarious. It looks like I put pantyhose over my penis head so it could conduct a robbery in disguise. Also the glans edge is rolled down so hard it’s like uhhh I endured all this glansplasty for no fun at all?? Bye trustex ribbed for no one’s pleasure. Also might as well rubber band the base. N O P E
Hold on. Do I get to be a pal who buys Magnums because I actually need them? That’s like using a Hitachi magic wand for neck pain! The ring isn’t too restrictive but holds on well. The body has a little give…
Oh. Well its a little constrictive on this side of my penis? Could be way worse though.
Yikes. I went to see if yhere was stretching room at the glans there and POP! The top ripped open.
Miss Dick. You are not supposed to be tearing up condoms. Condoms are our friends. Look this condom in the eye and feel sorry.
I detect no remorse.
Tabulating the final scores:
- Trustex colors: 1/10
- Trustex ribbed: 1.2/10
- Magnum: 8/10 but ripping up is maybe back to a 1/10 for this particular one. Ha!
I think I’m going to use these condoms as an overnight water dripping catcher for a leaky faucet so I can water plants on my porch in the morning. Or water balloons. Or Banana in backpack squish accident preventers.
In summary, I need more kinds of big condoms 😂 My fancy transgender work of science peen needs a fancier raincoat. I’ll have to ask at the Coach Men’s Store (wink). I need to find a good place for custom orders…
But are they ready for my level of hoeing???
Hoeing or no… My partner and I want to get into some more anal again soon, and we never go raw, without proper accoutrements. And my penis wants to be an upstanding PrEP-ared hygeine option example for the community. 🙂