Ahem. I fucked my partner in the ass with my new dick in earnest for the first time, and it was glorious. I mean, I have dabbled in topping anally since I had phalloplasty, but it was more in the perfunctory test-drive sort of way. This was the first time it was organic, heated, passionate, and unplanned.
I preface this by saying I’m usually a bottom. I can top, but it isn’t my favorite. I know I’m a bottom because when I feel turned on, I feel the urge to be mounted rather than the urge to mount. I probably top her vaginally once a week for twenty minutes (she is post-op ten years and that is her dilation requirement), and she tops me about every other day using a feeldoe-style dick prosthetic. Of course, we do lots of other things, oral, double dildos, kink, and hands– but this is the penetrative lay of the land.
For whatever reason, I felt toppy, like climbing on her and mounting. We had been making out, and I was using my lubricated glans, my penis head, to rub her asshole. I was erect. She was enjoying it and started rocking her hips, so I started thrusting a bit while outside her body to apply pressure rhythmically, massaging the outside using my penis with gentle pressure. She started gasping and bucking, and the head entered– neither of us are sure when exactly– but before we knew it our motions were in passionate tandem rocking. I was all the way inside her between the spread cheeks, and she was crying out in pleasure with her knees up and her toes brushing my shoulders. I watched her mouth and brow for any indication of discomfort, and there was none. I confirmed verbally, and she laughed through a moan, “No, it is wonderful.”
We don’t use condoms together, being married and together nearly seven years. Since there is no hole in the tip of my penis for flora entry, it is low risk to top bareback anal with her. I’m glad we could do this skin-to-skin. If it were anyone else I would definitely be wearing a condom. I’m on PrEP medication, and we test regularly.
Anal was different from vaginal penetration in that the base of my penis was squeezed snugly, but in vaginal sex– well, her trans woman’s vagina– the tightest part is the deepest section. So when we have anal, the tightness is reversed.
I feel my partner inside. She feels me inside. Our hips meet flesh to flesh, sensation to sensation. This capacity is our euphoria and the recurrent moment of innate need met. My love takes my flesh, and I feel her grip– I feel a joy and completion beyond words. It rises in my upper chest and my cheeks feel hot. I just close my eyes and breathe, transcendent.
Both feel wonderful, but the sexiest for me is seeing how comfortable my penis was for her to take in. It is quite firm enough with this Coloplast Titan cylinder inside, so I didn’t have to bother with keeping an (dildo) external penis prosthetic in place or supported. That’s what I’m used to having to do when I top, from pre-op. She said the soft head of the penis was very comfortable on insertion, and in the past the (dildo) penis prosthetics have been too firm on insertion and didn’t feel good to her. So, it was easy to get started and hard & deep enough for her to really get off to that.
Post-op vaginoplasty, when she cums there is a large gush of seminal fluid from her prostate from her vagina. It spilled out warm like the depths of her, clear, slightly salty, thick, and mild to the taste, like anyone’s vaginal arousal wetness. It gushed over the base of my penis from front to back. Slowly, I wishdrew, and she in a moment put on the feeldoe and pounded me savagely in passionate return. I finished seizing her back. Sigh, ah, it was magnificent.
Did the erectile implant feel organic? Especially because it is sutured to the bone deeper in the pelvis, the erection feels part of me. It doesn’t feel like a foreign object. It feels like my penis extends inside me, like penises do, instead of being simply attached to the outside of me. The erection is felt more than just in my penis. I feel a sense of firmness in my depths also, which is harmoniously arousing to me, some congruent, answer to a feeling I’ve felt only as a fantom for all my life. It is a gender euphoria.
So… How was it different from vaginal sex? Just because of me being shorter than her, I thought this position was easier for me than vaginal topping. With her bottom on a firm pillow elevating her abdomen, my penis was at a perfect height for me to penetrate her ass while kneeling, my legs a little splayed. A lot of the positions with me topping feel un-ergonomic because of our 12″ height difference, but this felt very natural.
Ha! Natural. What is that? Human nature is using our crafts to rebuilt nature in a pleasing form. My wife and I are most natural in our new experience is sex, I think. More natural than ever.
–16 months postop: Balls-deep in the backside–
I could faint to write that! This is real life now.
Note: All sexual and personal description of my partner is given with their full knowledge and consent and should:would be deleted at their request, or the end of a relationship.
(If you’re looking for post-op healed penis pics, you’ll find them on the rest of the blog.)