State of the Union on Enbytex’ Li’l Body, 1.5 years postop phalloplasty with Devin O’Brien-Coon:
How did Stage 3 wind up? Complications? What’s an erection like?
It’s funny, the stage I feared the most for complications, the erectile and testicular implants… I’ve had no complications to speak of. Once I got the hang of the button, it was all gravy. The firmness and flaccidity are both great. The firmness is about as hard as a marble, like a raging Spartan 18 year old’s morning wood . It surprised me how erogenously pleasurable it is to get hard. Captain Obvious, I know, but it is like… It is most likely the pleasure of a big firm object in your vagina. That’s what an erection feels like under erogenously hooked-up phalloplasty skin. The erection feels natural. No, it’s not spontaneous, but there are likely a billion men on this planet who can’t get a spontaneous erection without some attention and medical support. My dick is no different, except I have steampunk hydraulic Borg features inside me instead of Cialis.
The Coloplast Titan implant works as well for anal as it does for trans vagina built by vaginoplasty. I have never had sex with a cisgender woman, but I have a natal vagina nearby, and I’ve tried penetration. It works. Boy howdy, the experience of feeling both sides of penetration simultaneously.
My leash scar, random laproscopic scars, and the scars around my vulva from scrotoplasty are all faded and virtually invisible.
The incision for nerve hookup on my inner thigh widened from walking. It doesn’t connect to my genital area, so people assume I was in a wreck.
The incisions for implanting the devices have faded or disappeared. Any scars on my ball sack just makes the color mottled and blends in.
On my arm, I have the most visible scarring just at the transition to the hand, but I wear a watch there. You can tell the texture is different, but the tone and girth is a good match. 95% I’d say. The scars around the graft site are faded to white, and my arm leash scar is still red/pink in early healing. I have no hair at all there.
My thigh donor site for split thickness has a slightly different texture in some lights, but it is hard to see. The hair is still there. The sensation is the same as it was there.
I have no lasting pain or discomfort anywhere.
I’m so pleased with my hip lipo. It was worth it. No lasting scars or pain.
Top surgery revisited
Five years postop top, my DI with free grafts nipples still have little sensation besides pressure and an itty bitty dollop of pain when pinched. I miss erogenous nipples, but that was the price of admission I was willing to pay at the Texas fast turnaround chop shop to get it done quick. All chest sensation returned around year four. Those numb spots finally recovered. Hope! Aesthetically I’m very pleased. Scars barely visible at all.
I have little to no light touch sensation on my donor area on my arm, but I have pressure. Thermic feels a little different than before.
I have light touch sensation on most of my penis, although there are a few small lingering numb spots in the scrotum and left side of the penis. My sensation is most acute to the right, nearer the hookup. Which makes sense.
I have good sensation of cold, but warm is still developing. It’s like hearing warm from another room. Like heat La Croix.
I have pain sensation. If I squish miss thang the wrong way in my clothes or my balls some kinda way, I feel it. It smarts to run a dry razor over it to clear remaining hairs the laser didn’t get. I have to readjust before and after driving, usually.
I have erogenous sensation. When I touch my new anatomy, I start to get that lump in the back of my throat, and my face feels warm. I feel my pulse quicken and I feel pleasure. It is nowhere near as strong as the original, the pleasure. You have to enter a kind of mindfulness to notice it. Like heat, will probably continue developing up to two years or 2.5.
Orgasm & Sex Changes… I mean like how the sex itself changes, lol. Walked right into that one.
People ask often if I can orgasm just from my phalloplasty penis. I am mostly bottom and by demand a service top; so I don’t have much need to climax solely from that. I believe I could with the right touch, focus, and arousal, but I don’t think it would happen for me just mechanically only. I can orgasm just the same as before through my tdick/cl******/natal erectile tissue.
Tangentially, I can “take” objects as large as I ever did in my vagina or ass, no special delicacy needed now that I’m healed. My urogyno from the Center for Trans Health said wait six months for fisting. My partner said there is more muscle tension at the top of my opening than at the bottom, so they have had to adjust their entry angle to take advantage of having more flexibility more toward the back, a little more sideways to fit past the bones than needed before. There is a learning curve to this. It’s still so intimate and bonding. Taking something like a dick or reappropriated dick is the same, no discomfort to my balls or penis being between us. It’s actually nicely stimulating. No angle adjustments needed for this.
Less desirable outcomes
My only enduring less desirable effects are some hypertrophic scarring (genetic) and a slight abdominal bulge from a hernia I got postop which can’t be operated on so close to the delicate phallo microsurgery. The hypertrophy presents around some parts of my glansplasty stitch sites. I have a dramatic hypertrophy ladder on the underside of the length of my penis, but I actually think it looks like STONE COLD KILLER dick scarification art.
The bulge was from abdominal wall weakening at my hysto and nerve hookup site, to the right on my lower belly. It is inoperable due to being near the nerve hookup Mixmaster. Opening the area carries a high risk of causing a foreign body response in my implants, rejecting them.
Oh, and I had to reboot my college plans because life had me bent over its knee for a spanking. I mean, I could not manage much during the long recovery– It was all I could do just to take medicine and make it to work and back home. I’ve drifted apart from close friends because of reduced bandwidth during that time.
My complications which resolved over time were a battle with fat necrosis, neuropathy making me unable to walk, major infection, initial implant rejection, insomnia, post-op anxiety and depression, numbness and paralysis in my left hand and feet, weakness and inflexibility of the hand, numbness of the vulva, of the belly, of the thigh, really numbness a lot of places. None of these is an ongoing surgery-related concern presently.
My implant works as desired with no concerns. I was amazed to hear the feedback that the blowjob mouthfeel is the same as a typical cis male dick, no difference detected by my partner. The texture of the pump side is discernably different, because of the ridges and button, but the Torosa saline implant feels great. In the last six months, my scrotum has probably doubled in flexibility and looks much more typical.
The package passes for natal, for those who’d like to know, in casual nude circumstances and at fairly close inspection. Even when I show my vulva also and my perineal urethra– that is, no hole in the tip of my penis– people are more amazed and ask how I got the vagina put in, assuming the dick is all natural, farm raised, cage free, no hormones added…
The tattoo pigment I got is so convincing that a high-level Hopkins urologist was going to investigate the blanching (pinkness) that didn’t fade to white when she pressed. She thought maybe the implant was causing a circulation change. Haha, bamboozled again, Dr. penis pincher.
Unexpected psychological effects:
Needing intensive outpatient therapy while in recovery
Super enjoying baths and showers when I didn’t before
Comfort with all pronouns
Comfort with my deadname (!)
Comfort with body part words I previously could not say because of dysphoria
Comfort with the v, even a sense of pride
Gender euphoria from new sexual positions made possible by the greater range of motion of my penis over our prosthetics
Comfort with other people’s breasts or vulvas, which had previously jump-started my dysphoria. Lately I’ve even experienced interest again. I’m bi, queer, but I haven’t gotten to the place of no aversions in a long time. This is so healing.
Rediscovering femme stuff I used to do sexually and moved away from because of dysphoria. It is like the Great Sexual Reawakening. I feel like a thawing winter to spring. It’s a huge deal, and I did not expect this at all. Sex without dysphoria, unbelievable.
I have grown to love quiet time alone, which I discovered in earnest during recovery.
I just feel so much more secure within myself– a powerful emotion I didn’t anticipate
I no longer wonder if this is 100% right for me. Now, I know it is. This is right for me.
#nonbinary #queer #transition #bottomsurgery #afab