I was celebrating the vivid experience of perceiving warmth with my friends–
Backstory for friends not in trans masc discussion groups 24/7:
So you all know about how I had nerve hookup with phallo? With microsurgery, they linked the borrowed nerves from my arm to the hip nerve branch and genital nerve branch, so that my penis would have tactile and erogenous sensation. Certain kinds of sensation take a long time to come in.
It’s delicate emotionally, because sometimes grafting the nerve hookups fails. You’re waiting and watching to see what you’ll get, trying not to set expectations, in case it doesn’t work out like you had planned.
To continue that backstory, I started perceiving sensations at about five months. First I got pain from general malpositioning, then pain from a minute pinch, then a month later cold, after that soon came pressure touch sensation, and cool from a wind, then light and lighter touch, then finally increasingly erogenous response.
How neat is it that healing goes in the stages of our ancient evolution? Healing starts from the simplest and most protective sensations then heals to the more advanced perceptions. There’s beauty in that, that our bodies retell the timeline.
Well. It took 19 months, but I can feel *warmth* on my penis like on normal skin now.
Warmth. Lord, it is the last type of sensation to come in, and I just basked in it like I could die happy knowing it. I had felt it dimly here and there since about 14 months, but never like this.
To be warm, in front of me, where my body lives now– Cis men take so much for granted.
I love to know my body is still working new kinds of healing, just when I thought it was all done.
And we got to really giggling about how special it would be to experience all of this new, fresh as an adult. Somehow I got into confessional conversation about how I love to indulge in the juvenile pastime of a good helicopter dick. I’m serious. Usually when I’m alone, it just makes me laugh. Phalloplasty, dysphoria, and bottom surgery in general can be so serious. It’s like a good helicopter has come to represent for me not just relief at the end of the tunnel, but fun and playfulness about my healed body.
The subject of whether it is possible to twitch and jump the phallo penis post-op came up. Some ppl said they could do it post metoidioplasty. Twitch, like that little jump around getting turned on or having an orgasm. Jump, like moving the muscles in the pelvic floor to make the penis move up and down a bit at will. And yes, people have experienced both of these, myself included.
During quiet time today I toyed around with making an infographic for how this could be possible, because the explanation of the anatomy got complex. Friendo said maybe he needed MLD phallo to move it– not so! I had RFF and the pump implant.
I know it’s not dependent on burial and the tdick moving/pulsing within, since I didn’t have burial. I don’t know how having the semirigid rod implant would change things. Maybe it is heavier than the cylinders?
The Jump: interested? The jump happens almost identically in mechanism from the cis version, since the bulbospongiosum is contracting to press against the cylinders– our substitute for the corpus cavernosum 😍 yes, i’m nerding out. I do it by laying on my back to counteract the weight of my heavier penis, and then once erect I can jump. I need to make a video.
The Twitch: you can’t do this one on purpose. That it’s, it’s a reflex. I hope somebody with burial can tell me if the tdick in there helps move the phallo dick! I think I’ve felt this twitch before at climax, from the internal hardness of the internal tdick crus/crura, erect against the innermost part of the cylinders. I’m much more aware of my internal erectile structures now that it’s been so many years on T– I can feel where they are and when they’re being stimulated. Oddly enough, I’d say that’s probably why I enjoy penetration more than ever after transition. Enlarged and developed internal erectile structures? Life changing for the experience of penetration. If most men had these they’d never stop bottoming.
Just remembering… A year and change ago, all I could think about was how hard it was to go with an incomplete surgery. How I was more wounds than anything else. I think it takes at least a year post-op until you can start discovering what your body will really be like.
Sometimes I just stay up late and look, still getting used to it all, enjoying the quiet to explore and reflect.
Bonus feature, haha, a few late night phalloplasty dictures & ball sack video
Lol this pic terrified me. Is that like… A tiny bewitched woman’s leg in bed with me?! Now captured on film for the first time. But for real can you tell how the cylinders of the Coloplast pump erectile implant really fill out the same amount of tissue?